12 martie 2005
poante
In fata unui dozator de cafea un politist observa cum un tip introduce o
fisa, apasa un buton;tipul isi ia cafeaua si pleaca. Curios, politistul
introduce si el o fisa,apasa un buton si-i cade cafeaua.Foarte fericit
acesta isi schimba toti banii in fise si incepe sa le introcuca in
dozator.Tot baga fisa, apasa pe buton,lua cafeaua,o punea deoparte si iar
baga o fisa,si tot asa in continuare.La un momendat un tip de la coada ce
se facuse intre timp ii spune:hai domle odata ca m-am saturat de cand stau
aici.La care politistul ii raspunde:Ce vrei ba, te oftici ca am noroc si
castig?
Merg trei politai cu elicopterul.La un moment dat unul il intreaba pe
celalalt: -Auzi ba, de la ce e elicea aia de deasupra? --Cred ca de la
ventilatie ba,ca de cand s-a oprit uite ce transpira pilotu`
Un politai statea intr-o intersectie mare pe bulevardul Magheru si
conducea circulatia gesticuland si fluierand foarte elegant. La un moment
dat apare masina militiei cu girofarurile in functiune si opreste in fata
artistului ( de politai ).
- Sa traiti dom. colonel, sunt sergent Bucica la postul....
- Ma dobitocule mars acasa si schimba-te, te vede o lume intreaga aici in
mijlocul capitalei, nu vezi ca ai o cizma neagra si una alba ?
- Permiteti sa raportez: si acasa tot asa le am !
Intr-un autobuz suprapus plecau mai multi politisti intr-o aplicatie.
S-au asezat ofiterii jos, iar subofiterii sus. Pe drum ofiterii se
distrau: bancuri, bauturi... La subofiteri liniste mare.
Dupa vreo ora de mers un ofiter urca sa vada ce fac subofiterii de e asa
liniste.
- Ce aveti ma de nu scoateti o vorba?
- Da, voua va convine sa va distrati ca aveti sofer, dar noi...
La o sectie de politie este adusa o femeie care a trecut pe
rosu.Politistul de servici incepe sa o interogeze:
-Numele?
-Adela P.
-Virsta?
-28 de ani.
-Ocupatia?
-Invatatoare.
Politistul se ridica de la masa, zambeste fericit si ii spune:
-Minunat! Am asteptat aceasta ocazie o viata intreaga.Acum va asezati pe
scaunul acesta si scrieti de 2.000 de ori, cu o caligrafie perfecta :'Daca
semaforul este rosu,trecerea este interzisa!'
George W. Bush
George W. Bush are o relatie speciala cu cuvintele, e notoriu pentru ceea ce spune:
"Marea majoritate a importurilor noastre provin din afara tarii."
"Daca nu vom reusi, riscam sa dam gres." George W. Bush
"Un singur cuvant insumeaza probabil responsabilitatea fiecarui guvernator, iar acest cuvant este `sa fii pregatit`."
"Viitorul va fi mai bun maine"
"Avem o legatura puternica cu NATO. Suntem o parte din NATO. Avem o legatura puternica cu Europa. Suntem o parte din Europa."
"Suntem gata pentru orice eveniment neprevazut care poate sau nu sa se produca."
"Pentru NASA, spatiul este inca prioritatea numarul unu."
"Nu poluarea este cea care ne distruge mediul inconjurator. Impuritatile din aer si din apa il distrug."
"Este timpul ca omenirea sa intre in sistemul solar."
"Problema francezilor este ca nu au un cuvant pentru 'entrepreneur'."
George W. Bush, intr-o convorbire despre declinul economiei Franceze cu primul ministru britanic Tony Blair.
"Aceste chestii ale politicii de externe sunt cam frustrante."
George W. Bush, intr-un interviu in New York Daily News "Am triplat cantitatea de bani - Am impresia ca din 50 de milioane de dolari avem disponibili 195 de milioane."
"Vizita mea in Asia incepe aici in Japonia, datorita unui motiv foarte important. Incepe aici, pentru ca vreme de un secol si jumatate America si Japonia au format una dintre cele mai durabile aliante a timpurilor moderne. Din aceasta alianta, s-a nascut o era de pace in Pacific." George W. Bush, care uitat acel ceva care s-a numit Al Doilea Razboi Mondial, Tokyo, 18 Februarie, 2002
"Suntem foarte hotarati sa lucram cu ambele parti pentru a aduce nivelul de teroare la o valoare cat mai mica, valoare acceptabila si de noi si de ei." Washington, D.C., 2 Octombrie, 2001
"Este alba." George W. Bush, raspunzand unui copil la britanic la intrebarea "cum este Casa Alba". 19 Iulie, 2001
o seara banala
O seara banala. El si ea se uita la televizor.
Ce gandeste el:
„Bine ca mi-au facut semnalizarea, ca ma oprea dracu’ politia si-mi lua talonul. Zicea ca mi-a strans si franele, placutele sunt noi, cu frana nu mai am probleme anu’ asta. Cutia e rezolvata, mi-a ridicat masca, nu mai are joc deloc pe spate. Mai tre’ sa-i dau doua milioane, sa-mi schimbe cauciucurile pe fata, ca n-are rost sa-i reglez unghiul pana nu schimb cauciucurile. Dupa ce le fac si p-astea, nu mai bag nici un ban in ea“.
Ce gandeste ea, in timpul asta:
„Nu scoate o vorba. Cred ca e nefericit cu mine. Oare relatia noastra chiar merge sau ma amagesc singura? O sa ne luam? O sa avem copii? De copii nu zice nimic, de cate ori aduc vorba ori nu raspunde, ori schimba repede subiectul. Pana la un punct l-am inteles, dar mai departe...“.
Ce gandeste el in continuare:
„Bine-ar fi sa ramana Mihaita Plesan la Craiova, ca altfel nu stiu cum scapam de retrogradare. A venit si Papi, deci e bine. Numa’ sa nu se-apuce iar de trantit meciuri. Oricum, suntem subtiri, in loc sa-l aduca inapoi pe Gane l-au adus pe petarda aia de la Dinamo. Nici Rada n-a mai venit. Timisoara si-a facut trupa, la Otelul baga indianu’ bani, am ramas noi, Iasiu’ si Brasovu’ ciuca batailor. Poate, totusi, cade Bacau’ si scapam“.
Ce gandeste ea, in timpul asta:
„E incruntat, nimic nu-i place. Oare sunt prea grasa? Tot imi zice sa ma duc la sala. O sa ma duc! Da’ cand sa mai am timp si de sala? Am vazut eu cum i se scurg ochii dupa toate scobitorile, toate proastele. Daca ma iubeste, sa ma ia asa cum sunt. Ce, eu i-am zis ceva ca are burta? El de ce nu merge la sala, ca are timp mai mult ca mine?“.
Ce gandeste el mai departe:
„I-am facut ca la balamuc. Mare bulan am avut, io cu careu, sa-l prind pe fraierul ala de Andrei cu full de asi. Credea ca merg la cacialma si-a cerut ca bou’. Il duc odata cu masina acasa si-i arat: „Ba, vezi cauciucul ala de pe dreapta? Mi l-a dat un fraier care avea full de asi“.
Ce gandeste ea:
„E clar ca asa nu mai poate continua. Trebuie sa dam cartile pe fata“.
A doua zi dimineata. El: „Ce faci, iubito?“.
Ea, seaca: „Bine“.
El: „Ai ceva?“.
Ea: „N-am nimic“.
El: „Ba ai“.
Ea: „Da, am. Relatia noastra nu merge“.
El ramane perplex.
Ea, in gandul ei: „Deci, aveam dreptate!“.
tot cu evrei
Dupa multi ani in care nu au tinut legatura, Strul afla ca Itic are o afacere prospera la Londra is il suna sa afle despre ce e vorba. Strul ii spune:
"Pai, uite ce idee mi-a venit: am deschis o mica gogoserie chiar in fata la Lloyds Bank. Englezul, cand vine la banca, ia doua gogosi si, cand pleaca,
bucuros ca si-a incheiat afacerile, mai ia doua. Si uite-asa afacerea merge extraordinar, am atatia bani, ca nu mai stiu ce sa fac cu ei!"
La care lui Itic ii vine o idee:
"Stii, Strul, si eu am astfel de idei simple si bune de a incepe o afacere, dar din pacate imi lipsesc banii. N-ai putea sa ma imprumuti?"
"Din pacate n-am cum, e complicat..."
"Pai nu ziceai tu ca te dau banii afara din casa??"
"Ba da, dar vezi tu, am incheiat un contract cu Lloyds Bank - eu ma angajez sa nu dau credite, iar ei se angajeaza sa nu vanda gogosi..."
Lenin este la Praga
La o expozitie de pictura, un vizitator indignat se
adreseaza custodelui:
- Inteleg ca pictorii moderni pun operelor lor
titluri ciudate, dar la tabloul asta, care prezinta clar o partida de sex,
titlul "Lenin la Praga" este complet nejustificat.
- Va explic imediat. Stiti cine este doamna din tablou?
- Habar n-am.
- Este sotia lui Lenin.
- De acord, insa partenerul ei nu este Lenin.
- Ati gasit singur explicatia. Lenin este la Praga...
adreseaza custodelui:
- Inteleg ca pictorii moderni pun operelor lor
titluri ciudate, dar la tabloul asta, care prezinta clar o partida de sex,
titlul "Lenin la Praga" este complet nejustificat.
- Va explic imediat. Stiti cine este doamna din tablou?
- Habar n-am.
- Este sotia lui Lenin.
- De acord, insa partenerul ei nu este Lenin.
- Ati gasit singur explicatia. Lenin este la Praga...
10 martie 2005
blog hacking is on the rise...
another friend: saludos e abrazos!
a friend: hola
a friend: read that and talk to me
a friend: i'm going back to the library to clear up a fine
another friend: i don't think you'll have a problem editing it!
a friend: done
a friend: refresh
another friend: otherwise, the text is not bad, just as expected when coming from you!
a friend: let's start cross-commenting
another friend: super!
a friend: and figuring out the trackback business
another friend: where did you get the blogging software from?
a friend: http://wordpress.org/
another friend: resourceful as ever when need be!
another friend: what's wrong with blogspot?
a friend: i'm looking at customizing it, only been up a day now
a friend: i have another domain i'll be building up as a music site, songwright.org
another friend: it's taken me weeks to tweak blogspot into what it is now
a friend: the idea is cross-referencing (design, critique, self-promotion, career) with (same thing for music stuff). will be the portfolio for the geniouses over at. Ha.
another friend: lucky you for you can circumscribe both under the same persona. i need to keep business away from pleasure...
another friend: that's why i got two different tracks
a friend: well i will try to keep them quite seperate
another friend: you saw how many people stop by?
a friend: i think its the same strategy
a friend: yes, you got alot of hits
a friend: very nice
another friend: maybe 1/2 of those is me playing with it, but still almost 500 in 2 weeks
a friend: personal contacts, or free floating readers?
another friend: i mean the Estonian one, the american one has only half the hits
another friend: both
another friend: 2/3 strangers, but not even friends come there if they don't like it so i deserve most of them!
a friend: we find our readers, or vice versa
a friend: the reader is always right
another friend: i do all kinds of tricks almost all day!
a friend: sounds kinky
another friend: esentially i identify places where i need to drop my fingerprints
a friend: heh heh
a friend: the myth of fingerprints
another friend: fashion, food, girls/boys etc
a friend: as the great paul simon once wrote
a friend: i dig it
a friend: i'll have some music online in a week or so
a friend: hoping you can help me get a push
a friend: you'll be the krugman of the former eastern bloc?
a friend: or the david brooks maybe
another friend: it seems i have a laptop from a pal on which i can go ahead and put skype as soon as i finish the 2nd stage remodellling
a friend: excellent
a friend: i know how to podcast now
a friend: i will be putting things up soon
another friend: then, let's try by the week's end to get started. where would we host them?
a friend: i can put them on
another friend: if i needed something similar in estonian, any ideas?
a friend: do you read RSS?
another friend: don't know what it is..
a friend: Feeds, tom, newsfeeds ...
a friend: all those little links on all the blogs
another friend: i think it's hard to go there, for me know, but that's the future!
a friend: as ablogger, you need to understand it asap
a friend: can i suggest something
another friend: precisely, yet i'm still content creator
another friend: yeah, go ahead without asking permision
a friend: of course
a friend: i strongly suggest getting this program
a friend: http://www.bradsoft.com/feeddemon/index.asp
a friend: do the trial
a friend: you will thank for it
a friend: me i mean :-)
another friend: so far i paid $100 on domain names and business cards ;-(
a friend: me too
another friend: so back to feeddemon
a friend: try feeddemon out, it is the most user friendly, content focused
a friend: also feeds are essential for job hunting these days IMHO
another friend: blah blah blah
a friend: try it
another friend: i want to buld a job and these blogs are the closest thing in years!
a friend: you'll like it
another friend: build a job
another friend: build a job
another friend: build a job
another friend: build a job
another friend: i'm already too smart
a friend: that's the ticket
another friend: i'm already too smart
a friend: i'm good enough
another friend: i'm already too smart
a friend: i'm smart enough
another friend: i need to get it outh there
a friend: and dog gone it, people like me
another friend: what's 'dog gone it'?
a friend: a silly US expression
another friend: ...
a friend: a refernece to saturday night live
a friend: ANYWAy
a friend: the podcast thing has a smallish geeky audience right now
a friend: and the quality of the material is poor, both technically and in content
another friend: getting content in ipods and portable shit is the biggest thing--bigger than satellite radio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a friend: we could have window to become know in that spce
another friend: man, you've got to follow and i've got to listen
a friend: exactly, bu the material is not ready for prime time
a friend: it is good timing to move aggressively if we can produce stellar content
another friend: i'm not talking about songs alone, i'm talking about people's downloading us and listening to our silly conversations anywhere in the world!!!!!!
a friend: whatever
another friend: alone
another friend: fuck you, could you call me or i call you?
a friend: good content can fill this space, it is crap right now, but the buzz is overwhelming
a friend: tomorrow, i need to address a howling child
another friend: tomorrow i need to address the remodelling
another friend: that's why i needed time until the weekend (hopefully)
a friend: OK please do this for me: read up on podcasting as a business model
another friend: i don't need to read, i fell it, i can teach others!
a friend: and install feeddemon to get your head around feeds and feed culture
a friend: Great.
a friend: "social technology" buzzword
a friend: maybe there is a job in there somewhere
a friend: to quote Mr. Simon again:
another friend: i put $300 in a samsung mp3 and don't get excited enough to listen to the same music but i would anytime listen to my favorite conversational sources...
a friend: "this is a lonely life / sorry is wherever you turn
a friend: and that is worht something when you think about it
a friend: that is worth soem money
another friend: yeah, but podcasting is a way to make money off it
a friend: the music suffers
a friend: the music business thrives
a friend: probabaly through ads
another friend: fuck the music, everybody and your mom has an earful of it!
a friend: i dont think you can charge for subscriptions for awhile yet
a friend: you just dont get it
a friend: its all those years of commie propaganda crushing the crative sould
another friend: man, i know your pain $$$$$ and i can offer you only hope but trust me, jobs don't come by
a friend: goddamn commies
a friend: jobs don't come by what ... blogging?
another friend: by blogging alone they won't come.
a friend: camn commies
a friend: that's the pleasure more than work one?
another friend: yeah!
another friend: fuck them!
a friend: i'm gonna add a disclaimer
a friend: "my opinions are not those of my employer" blah blah
another friend: i'm staying away from names and such
a friend: nicely suggests that one has an employer!
another friend: my opinions are not those of my future employee ;-)
a friend: my employees hae no opinions
another friend: man, you still hope for a job and what i tell you is that progress comes of no more hope!
a friend: been reading Nietszche?
another friend: nope
a friend: sounds like it
a friend: or just 20th century existential nihilims
another friend: it's got to be the water around here, look at W!
a friend: he's no nihilist
another friend: he's nono
a friend: used to be, but Jesus changed that
another friend: man, do you feel what i do?
a friend: hmmm?
another friend: let's see if we can capture this, and publish it!
a friend: easy
a friend: peasy
a friend: Mr. Freezy
another friend: do it!
a friend: OK. I'll blog it
another friend: but send it to me first for minor edits!
a friend: along with a legal contract
another friend: we need to remove the self awareness from the end
a friend: giving me all royalties
another friend: legal shit up your
another friend: yours
a friend: you wish
another friend: giving you what, highness?
a friend: this is pretty close to being as snappy as a phone call
a friend: but you got to get your computer skype shit working
a friend: i prefer "eminewnce"
another friend: but my keyboard can hardly keep up with it, and i don't type without looking at keys!
a friend: eminence
a friend: wince
a friend: ouch
another friend: eminence
a friend: i gotta go now
a friend: immenence
another friend: cherios!
a friend: bye fer now
another friend: caputure, and email it to me, please!
a friend: hola
a friend: read that and talk to me
a friend: i'm going back to the library to clear up a fine
another friend: i don't think you'll have a problem editing it!
a friend: done
a friend: refresh
another friend: otherwise, the text is not bad, just as expected when coming from you!
a friend: let's start cross-commenting
another friend: super!
a friend: and figuring out the trackback business
another friend: where did you get the blogging software from?
a friend: http://wordpress.org/
another friend: resourceful as ever when need be!
another friend: what's wrong with blogspot?
a friend: i'm looking at customizing it, only been up a day now
a friend: i have another domain i'll be building up as a music site, songwright.org
another friend: it's taken me weeks to tweak blogspot into what it is now
a friend: the idea is cross-referencing (design, critique, self-promotion, career) with (same thing for music stuff). will be the portfolio for the geniouses over at. Ha.
another friend: lucky you for you can circumscribe both under the same persona. i need to keep business away from pleasure...
another friend: that's why i got two different tracks
a friend: well i will try to keep them quite seperate
another friend: you saw how many people stop by?
a friend: i think its the same strategy
a friend: yes, you got alot of hits
a friend: very nice
another friend: maybe 1/2 of those is me playing with it, but still almost 500 in 2 weeks
a friend: personal contacts, or free floating readers?
another friend: i mean the Estonian one, the american one has only half the hits
another friend: both
another friend: 2/3 strangers, but not even friends come there if they don't like it so i deserve most of them!
a friend: we find our readers, or vice versa
a friend: the reader is always right
another friend: i do all kinds of tricks almost all day!
a friend: sounds kinky
another friend: esentially i identify places where i need to drop my fingerprints
a friend: heh heh
a friend: the myth of fingerprints
another friend: fashion, food, girls/boys etc
a friend: as the great paul simon once wrote
a friend: i dig it
a friend: i'll have some music online in a week or so
a friend: hoping you can help me get a push
a friend: you'll be the krugman of the former eastern bloc?
a friend: or the david brooks maybe
another friend: it seems i have a laptop from a pal on which i can go ahead and put skype as soon as i finish the 2nd stage remodellling
a friend: excellent
a friend: i know how to podcast now
a friend: i will be putting things up soon
another friend: then, let's try by the week's end to get started. where would we host them?
a friend: i can put them on
another friend: if i needed something similar in estonian, any ideas?
a friend: do you read RSS?
another friend: don't know what it is..
a friend: Feeds, tom, newsfeeds ...
a friend: all those little links on all the blogs
another friend: i think it's hard to go there, for me know, but that's the future!
a friend: as ablogger, you need to understand it asap
a friend: can i suggest something
another friend: precisely, yet i'm still content creator
another friend: yeah, go ahead without asking permision
a friend: of course
a friend: i strongly suggest getting this program
a friend: http://www.bradsoft.com/feeddemon/index.asp
a friend: do the trial
a friend: you will thank for it
a friend: me i mean :-)
another friend: so far i paid $100 on domain names and business cards ;-(
a friend: me too
another friend: so back to feeddemon
a friend: try feeddemon out, it is the most user friendly, content focused
a friend: also feeds are essential for job hunting these days IMHO
another friend: blah blah blah
a friend: try it
another friend: i want to buld a job and these blogs are the closest thing in years!
a friend: you'll like it
another friend: build a job
another friend: build a job
another friend: build a job
another friend: build a job
another friend: i'm already too smart
a friend: that's the ticket
another friend: i'm already too smart
a friend: i'm good enough
another friend: i'm already too smart
a friend: i'm smart enough
another friend: i need to get it outh there
a friend: and dog gone it, people like me
another friend: what's 'dog gone it'?
a friend: a silly US expression
another friend: ...
a friend: a refernece to saturday night live
a friend: ANYWAy
a friend: the podcast thing has a smallish geeky audience right now
a friend: and the quality of the material is poor, both technically and in content
another friend: getting content in ipods and portable shit is the biggest thing--bigger than satellite radio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a friend: we could have window to become know in that spce
another friend: man, you've got to follow and i've got to listen
a friend: exactly, bu the material is not ready for prime time
a friend: it is good timing to move aggressively if we can produce stellar content
another friend: i'm not talking about songs alone, i'm talking about people's downloading us and listening to our silly conversations anywhere in the world!!!!!!
a friend: whatever
another friend: alone
another friend: fuck you, could you call me or i call you?
a friend: good content can fill this space, it is crap right now, but the buzz is overwhelming
a friend: tomorrow, i need to address a howling child
another friend: tomorrow i need to address the remodelling
another friend: that's why i needed time until the weekend (hopefully)
a friend: OK please do this for me: read up on podcasting as a business model
another friend: i don't need to read, i fell it, i can teach others!
a friend: and install feeddemon to get your head around feeds and feed culture
a friend: Great.
a friend: "social technology" buzzword
a friend: maybe there is a job in there somewhere
a friend: to quote Mr. Simon again:
another friend: i put $300 in a samsung mp3 and don't get excited enough to listen to the same music but i would anytime listen to my favorite conversational sources...
a friend: "this is a lonely life / sorry is wherever you turn
a friend: and that is worht something when you think about it
a friend: that is worth soem money
another friend: yeah, but podcasting is a way to make money off it
a friend: the music suffers
a friend: the music business thrives
a friend: probabaly through ads
another friend: fuck the music, everybody and your mom has an earful of it!
a friend: i dont think you can charge for subscriptions for awhile yet
a friend: you just dont get it
a friend: its all those years of commie propaganda crushing the crative sould
another friend: man, i know your pain $$$$$ and i can offer you only hope but trust me, jobs don't come by
a friend: goddamn commies
a friend: jobs don't come by what ... blogging?
another friend: by blogging alone they won't come.
a friend: camn commies
a friend: that's the pleasure more than work one?
another friend: yeah!
another friend: fuck them!
a friend: i'm gonna add a disclaimer
a friend: "my opinions are not those of my employer" blah blah
another friend: i'm staying away from names and such
a friend: nicely suggests that one has an employer!
another friend: my opinions are not those of my future employee ;-)
a friend: my employees hae no opinions
another friend: man, you still hope for a job and what i tell you is that progress comes of no more hope!
a friend: been reading Nietszche?
another friend: nope
a friend: sounds like it
a friend: or just 20th century existential nihilims
another friend: it's got to be the water around here, look at W!
a friend: he's no nihilist
another friend: he's nono
a friend: used to be, but Jesus changed that
another friend: man, do you feel what i do?
a friend: hmmm?
another friend: let's see if we can capture this, and publish it!
a friend: easy
a friend: peasy
a friend: Mr. Freezy
another friend: do it!
a friend: OK. I'll blog it
another friend: but send it to me first for minor edits!
a friend: along with a legal contract
another friend: we need to remove the self awareness from the end
a friend: giving me all royalties
another friend: legal shit up your
another friend: yours
a friend: you wish
another friend: giving you what, highness?
a friend: this is pretty close to being as snappy as a phone call
a friend: but you got to get your computer skype shit working
a friend: i prefer "eminewnce"
another friend: but my keyboard can hardly keep up with it, and i don't type without looking at keys!
a friend: eminence
a friend: wince
a friend: ouch
another friend: eminence
a friend: i gotta go now
a friend: immenence
another friend: cherios!
a friend: bye fer now
another friend: caputure, and email it to me, please!
01 martie 2005
dela birou
-Domnule doctor ...sînt bolnav...
-Dar ce te supara?
-Cred ca am un sindrom de reactii inverse!...
-Reactii inverse? De 30 de ani profesez dar nu am auzit de un astfel de sindrom! Cum se manifesta?
-Pai sa vedeti, domnule doctor, la servici seful meu ma bate la cap si pe mine ma doare în cur...
-Dar ce te supara?
-Cred ca am un sindrom de reactii inverse!...
-Reactii inverse? De 30 de ani profesez dar nu am auzit de un astfel de sindrom! Cum se manifesta?
-Pai sa vedeti, domnule doctor, la servici seful meu ma bate la cap si pe mine ma doare în cur...
28 februarie 2005
matematice
Ce este un urs polar?
Un urs rectangular care are sistemul de coordonate schimbat.
Ce-i zice un vector altui vector?
"Ai un moment?"
Trei ingineri discuta intre ei despre natura corpului uman. Unul din ei zice: "E clar ca a fost conceput de un inginer mecanic: articulatiile, oasele pt. sustinere ." "Nu cred, zice altul, a fost facut de un inginer electronist: toate conexiunile nervoase, sistemul nervos, ..." Al treilea: "Nu se poate! Mai mult ca sigur a fost gandit de un inginer constructor, numai ei pot sa plaseze o zona cu deseuri toxice langa o zona recreativa!"
33% din accidentele de circulatie sunt cauzate de bauturile alcoolice,
deci restul de 67% nu sunt cauzate de bauturile alcoolice. In
consecinta, este clar ca e mai sigur sa conduci beat turta!
Un statistician este o persoana care, stand cu picioarele pe gheata si
cu capul intr-un cuptor, zice ca se simte in medie bine.
Ce este un copil complexat?
Un copil cu mama reala si tata imaginar.
Un fizician, un inginer si un matematician calatoresc in acelasi
compartiment intr-un tren prin Scotia. La un moment dat vad o oaie
neagra. "Aha, zice fizicianul, vad ca in Scotia toate oile sunt
negre!"
"Nu chiar, zice inginerul, se poate zice ca unele oi scotiene sunt
negre." "Ba nu, raspunde matematicianul, tot ce putem spune este ca
in Scotia exista cel putin o oaie cu una din laturi negre!"
Isus catre discipoli: "In adevar va zic voua: y = 5x2 + 4x - 7".
Discipolii vorbesc putin intre ei, dupa care Petru se apropie cu
teama de Isus si spune: "Isuse, iarta-ne, dar n-am inteles invatatura ta
..."
Isus suparat: "Pacatosilor, e o parabola!"
Un urs rectangular care are sistemul de coordonate schimbat.
Ce-i zice un vector altui vector?
"Ai un moment?"
Trei ingineri discuta intre ei despre natura corpului uman. Unul din ei zice: "E clar ca a fost conceput de un inginer mecanic: articulatiile, oasele pt. sustinere ." "Nu cred, zice altul, a fost facut de un inginer electronist: toate conexiunile nervoase, sistemul nervos, ..." Al treilea: "Nu se poate! Mai mult ca sigur a fost gandit de un inginer constructor, numai ei pot sa plaseze o zona cu deseuri toxice langa o zona recreativa!"
33% din accidentele de circulatie sunt cauzate de bauturile alcoolice,
deci restul de 67% nu sunt cauzate de bauturile alcoolice. In
consecinta, este clar ca e mai sigur sa conduci beat turta!
Un statistician este o persoana care, stand cu picioarele pe gheata si
cu capul intr-un cuptor, zice ca se simte in medie bine.
Ce este un copil complexat?
Un copil cu mama reala si tata imaginar.
Un fizician, un inginer si un matematician calatoresc in acelasi
compartiment intr-un tren prin Scotia. La un moment dat vad o oaie
neagra. "Aha, zice fizicianul, vad ca in Scotia toate oile sunt
negre!"
"Nu chiar, zice inginerul, se poate zice ca unele oi scotiene sunt
negre." "Ba nu, raspunde matematicianul, tot ce putem spune este ca
in Scotia exista cel putin o oaie cu una din laturi negre!"
Isus catre discipoli: "In adevar va zic voua: y = 5x2 + 4x - 7".
Discipolii vorbesc putin intre ei, dupa care Petru se apropie cu
teama de Isus si spune: "Isuse, iarta-ne, dar n-am inteles invatatura ta
..."
Isus suparat: "Pacatosilor, e o parabola!"
d'alu mihai a.
Intuneric... intr-un cimitir.. un gropar blazat sapa o groapa..noaptea, ..
ca ziua era prea alcolizat sa poata munci.. Un schelet iese dintr-un
mormint vecin si incearca sa-l sperie.. omu` scirbit.. mait trage doua
fumuri din Carpati si-si vede de treaba.. Scheletul tot mai insistent
..... nu renunta .. il ia prin invaluire.. si iar sare sa-l ingrozeasca..
Groparu` nimic.. .. scheletul .. dezamagit.. se indeparteaza si da sa sara
gardul cimitirului.. Groparul pune mina pe lopata si-i fute una de-l
darima de pe gard...
" Ridem, glumim.. da' nu parasim incinta, da...?!"
creationism sau evolutie? tot mihai a. are raspunsul
Bula vroia sa se urce in avion cu un pui de gaina, mic, galben si
piuitor, ca sa il aduca cadou lui Bulisor.
-Domnule, zise stewardesa cea urita si batrina a Taromului, nu e
voie cu animale in avion!!!
Se intoarse Bula in aeroport, se duse la WC, puse puisorul in chiloti
si urca liber in avion. Locul lui era linga o calugarita tinara si
frumoasa. De atita uitat la bulanele ei, adormi Bula visind la ea. Deodata,
puisorul iese din chilotii lu' Bula, scoate capul prin slitul pantalonilor si
incepu sa piuie. Calugarita speriata incepu sa-l zgiltie pe Bula:
-Scoala domnule, scoala repede...
Speriat, Bula tresarii uitindu-se in toate directiile:
-Ce e, unde, ce...ce s-antimplat!!????
Zise calugarita:
-Omule, nu am deloc experienta in problemele astea, dar am impresia
ca vi s-a spart un ou.....
deprimant mai poate fi toronto iarna...
Un mos era foarte bolnav si zacea in pat. In bucatarie sotia lui facea placinte, exact asa cum ii placeau lui. Simtind mirosul striga la sotie:
- Adu-mi si mie te rog o placinta, ca mi-e pofta!
Mosul era asa de bolnav si cu glasul slabit, incat sotia nu a auzit nimic.
Atunci mosul se hotaraste sa se dea jos din pat si cu ultimele puteri se taraste pana in bucatarie. Ajungand aproape de farfuria cu placinte, intinde mana incet sa ia si el una. Sotia vazandu-i mana furisandu-se, il plesneste si-i spune:
- Ia mana nesimtitule, astea-s pentru inmormantare!
mihai, toronto etc.
Doi ardeleni stau de vorba la o palinca. La un moment dat unul
zice:
- Auzi ma, daca io i-as trage-o lu' nevasta-ta, ce inseamna ca am
fi? Cumnati? Cuscri? Rude? Sau ce?
La care celalalt sta juma' de minut pe ganduri si apoi raspunde:
- Ma, io cred ca am fi chit.
mihai a. s-a virusat... ma rog, era cat p'aci
I am an Albanian virus but because of poor technology in my country I
am
not
able to do anything with your computer.
Please be so kind to delete one of your file and then forward me to
other
users.
Yours faithfully,
Fatos
The first Albanian virus
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