> The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life, finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.
> "Mrs. Smith, do you realise these are birth control pills?
> "Yes, they help me sleep at night."
> "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep."
> She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that, but every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks and believe me, it helps me sleep at night."
>
>
>
>
>
> oOo
> HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
> God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."
> The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
> And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
> "Can you give us an example?"
> "Thou shall not kill."
> "Not kill? We're not interested."
> So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
> The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honour thy Father and Mother."
> "Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested."
> Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
> The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'
> 'Not steal? We're not interested."
> Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
> The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not commit adultery."
> "Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
> Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
> "Commandments?" they said, 'How much are they?"
> They're free."
> "We'll take 10."
>
>
>
>
> oOo
> Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
> Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
> The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."
> Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
>
>
>
>
>
> oOo
> An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.
> Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him.
> As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.
> The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again or $200. She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.
> This goes on for five nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him.
> So she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he's from in Australia.
> "Melbourne," he tells her.
> "So am I. What suburb?" she enquires.
> "Glen Iris," he replies.
> "That's amazing," she says excitedly, "so am I, what street?"
> "Cameo Street," he replies.
> "This is unbelievable," she says, her voice quavering. "What number?"
> "Number 20," he replies.
> She is totally astonished. "You are not going to believe this," she screams, 'but I'm from number 22. My parents still live there."
>
> "I know," he says, "Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you."
>
>
>
>
> oOo
> Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
> When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
> Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
> "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
> She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
> "Mrs. Smith, do you realise these are birth control pills?
> "Yes, they help me sleep at night."
> "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep."
> She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that, but every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks and believe me, it helps me sleep at night."
>
>
>
>
>
> oOo
> HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
> God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."
> The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
> And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
> "Can you give us an example?"
> "Thou shall not kill."
> "Not kill? We're not interested."
> So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
> The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honour thy Father and Mother."
> "Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested."
> Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
> The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'
> 'Not steal? We're not interested."
> Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
> The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not commit adultery."
> "Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
> Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
> "Commandments?" they said, 'How much are they?"
> They're free."
> "We'll take 10."
>
>
>
>
> oOo
> Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
> Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
> The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."
> Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
>
>
>
>
>
> oOo
> An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.
> Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him.
> As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.
> The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again or $200. She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.
> This goes on for five nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him.
> So she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he's from in Australia.
> "Melbourne," he tells her.
> "So am I. What suburb?" she enquires.
> "Glen Iris," he replies.
> "That's amazing," she says excitedly, "so am I, what street?"
> "Cameo Street," he replies.
> "This is unbelievable," she says, her voice quavering. "What number?"
> "Number 20," he replies.
> She is totally astonished. "You are not going to believe this," she screams, 'but I'm from number 22. My parents still live there."
>
> "I know," he says, "Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you."
>
>
>
>
> oOo
> Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
> When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
> Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
> "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
> She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
