These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
>>people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
>>by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these
>>exchanges were actually taking place.
>>ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
>>WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
>>ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>>WITNESS: My name is Susan!
>>____________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: What
>> gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>>WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>>____________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>>WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
>>____________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your
>> memory at all?
>>WITNESS: Yes.
>>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>>WITNESS: I forget..
>>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
>>___________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>> voodoo?
>>WITNESS: We both do.
>>ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>>WITNESS: We do..
>>ATTORNEY: You do?
>>WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
>>____________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true
>> that when a person dies in his sleep ,
>>he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>>WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>>____________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
>>WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
>>___________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>>WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
>>_________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>>WITNESS: Yes.
>>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that
>> time?
>>WITNESS: Getting laid
>>____________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
>>WITNESS: Yes.
>>ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>>WITNESS: None.
>>ATTORNEY:
>> Were there any girls?
>>WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
>>new attorney?
>>____________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>>WITNESS: By death..
>>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>>WITNESS: Take a guess.
>>____________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>>WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
>>ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>>WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
>>_____________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
>>notice which I sent to your attorney?
>>WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>>______________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
>>people?
>>WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
>>_________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
>>WITNESS: Oral...
>>_________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>>WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
>>ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>>WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
>>____________________________________________
>>ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>>WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
>>______________________________________
>>And last:
>>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
>>pulse?
>>WITNESS: No.
>>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>>WITNESS: No.
>>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>>WITNESS: No..
>>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
>>the autopsy?
>>WITNESS: No.
>>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure,
>> Doctor?
>>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>>ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>>practicing law.
