>had an affair with another woman.'
>
>
>The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
>
>The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I
>stopped.'
>
>
>The priest said, 'Rubbing is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that
>woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box.'
>
>
>
>The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to
>the poor box.
>
>
>He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
>
>The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You
>didn't put any money in the poor box!'
>
>
>The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to
>you, that's the same as putting it in!'
>
>
>Catholic Dog
>
>Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company..
>One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father,
>my dog is dead... Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'
>
>
>Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal
>in the church.... But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no
>tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
>
>
>Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to
>donate to them for the service?'
>
>
>Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me
>the dog was Catholic?
>
>Donation
>
>Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
>
>'It is!'
>
>'This is the Internal RevenueService . Can you help us?'
>
>'I can!'
>'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
>
>'I do!'
>
>'Is he a member of your congregation?'
>
>'He is!'
>
>'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
>
>'He will.'
>
>
>
>Pest Control
>
>A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a
>pest-control company.. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom
>together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
>
>
>'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in
>the closet, stark naked.
>
>
>The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom
>discovered the man in the closet..
>
>
>'Who are you?' he asked him..
>
>'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
>
>'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..
>
>'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
>
>'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
>
>The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'..
>
>
> Marriage Humour
>
>
>Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
>
>Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
>
>Wife: 'Yes or no.'
>
>------------------------------
>Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give
>
>up my seat to a lady.'
>
>
>Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
>
>Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
>
>________________________________
>
>Husbands are husbands
>
>
>A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a
>
>frying pan.
>'What was that for?' the man asked.
>The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that
>
>I found in your pants pocket'..
>The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the
>horse I bet on' the wife apologized and went on with the housework..
>Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head
>with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
>Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
>Wife replied.. 'Your horse phoned'
>
>
>
>
>Let us pray.....................
>Give me a sense of humour, Lord,
>Give me the grace to see a joke,
>To get some humour out of life,
>And pass it on to other folk
