> > 6th Place
> >
> > It was mealtime during a flight on
> > a British Airways plane:
> >
> > 'Would you like dinner?' the flight
> attendant
> > asked the man seated in the front row.
> >
> > 'What are my choices?' the man asked.
> >
> > 'Yes or no,' she replied.
> >
> >
> >
> > 5th Place
> >
> > A flight attendant was stationed at the
> > departure gate to check tickets.
> >
> > As a man approached, she extended her
> > hand for the ticket and he opened his
> > trench coat and flashed her.
> >
> > Without blinking an eyelid she said,
> > 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your
> stub.'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > 4th Place
> >
> > A lady was picking through the frozen
> > turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she
> > couldn't find one big enough for her family.
> >
> > She asked a passing assistant,
> > 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
> >
> > The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not,
> > they're dead.'
> >
> >
> > 3rd Place
> >
> > The policeman got out of his car and
> > approached the boy racer he stopped
> > for speeding.
> >
> > 'I've been waiting for you all day,'
> > the bobby said.
> >
> > The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here
> > as fast as I could.'
> >
> > When the policeman finally stopped
> > laughing, he sent the kid on his way
> > without a ticket.
> >
> >
> >
> > 2nd Place
> >
> > A lorry driver was driving along on
> > a country road.
> > A sign came up that read 'Low Bridge Ahead.'
> > Before he realised it, the bridge was
> > directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
> > Cars are backed up for miles.
> >
> > Finally, a police car comes up.
> > The policeman got out of his car and
> > walked to the lorry's cab
> > And said to the driver, 'Got stuck, eh?'
> >
> > The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this
> bridge and ran out of petrol!'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009
> >
> >
> > A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded
> > her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
> >
> > 'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate
> > any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
> > I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious
> personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate
> family, but that's it, no other
> > excuses whatsoever!'
> >
> > A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room
> > raised his hand and asked,
> > 'What would happen if I came in
> > tomorrow suffering from complete
> > and utter sexual exhaustion?'
> >
> > The entire class was reduced to
> > laughter and sniggering.
> >
> > When silence was restored, the teacher
> > smiled knowingly at the student, shook
> > her head and sweetly said,
> > 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write
> > with your other hand
