> My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
> I said, 'Dust.'
> And then the fight started...
> --------- -----
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
> I bought her a scale.
> And then the fight started...
> ------------
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
> And then the fight started...
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
> And then the fight started...
> ------------ --------- ---------
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?
> And then the fight started...
> ------------ ---------
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
> "Nah, she can order for herself."
> And then the fight started. ..
> ------------ --------- --------- ---
> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
> And then the fight started.....
> ----------- ---------
> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
> And then the fight started....
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday and then the fight started.....
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
> A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
> The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
> So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
> He smashed himself onto the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
> The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
> And then the fight started.....
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
> And then the fight started ...
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
> It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
> So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
> And that's when the fight started....
> ------------ ---------
> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
> "No," she answered.
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> And that's when the fight started....
